Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
