i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
