someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
