Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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