the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
