Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
your penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
