Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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