Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
only if we run a train.
done.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
