This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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