Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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