Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
