apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
