i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
