I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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