And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
