you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
