i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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