I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They took my balls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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