I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
