i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's never too late to be topless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
