her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
