fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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