i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
