nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
