If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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