sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
