put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
