just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How does one acquire holy water?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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