apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
