she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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