I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
