I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
