dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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