walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
