dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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