it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
