my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
