so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
