I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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