I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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