i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
