i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
