I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
