Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
