Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
