i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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