I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
