Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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