I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
