the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
