fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
