Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
