you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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