Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Randomize
