how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
