just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my shit smells like andre
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
