Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
