Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
