Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
