I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
