I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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