shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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