I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
