Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
