i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
