Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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