She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
