I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize