So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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