Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
