No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
