I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
