Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
