um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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