In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
