I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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