dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize