drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
