So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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