he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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