Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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