It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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