My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
