Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
