Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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